...This past Christmas we had a sermon on Christ, his sacrifice for us, his unconditional love. At the end of the sermon the pastor had a small box for everyone with a piece of paper. On that paper we had to write something that we would give to God this upcoming year. I'm usually not so into the whole participating thing. I feel rushed and write down whatever comes first to mind, forget it an hour later and just don't get that much out of it. Well this was different. This year I had something so laid on my heart I felt like I would be struck down right there if I wasn't participating. I wrote: I want to live for YOU alone. My hands were shaking as I wrote and my legs felt like jello walking up and putting the box in the manger. After the service I left and remembered for a few days, did a little extra prayer and spent a little more time in the word and then life picked up into full swing, beings it was Christmas and all, and I left it in the back of my mind as a fond memory of a nice thing I did for God.
Flash Foreward...
How dare me write something so important, so profound for my life and live by it for only a few days! God has reminded me of what I wrote in more ways then one. I have been afraid to write about my spiritual life on here because I do not want somebody to see it and then see my actions. I am continually being refined in my Refiners Fire. I have lived for so much more than God everyday. I live for myself, for my husband, for my kids, emotions, money and home. To name a few. Not one of these are wrong, but if any of them are put before God they are idols. I have made each of these an idol in my life at one point or another. I am so ashamed for being so wrapped up in myself that I have left God as a fond memory. Not to worry, God is shaping me up, refining. You want to know the most awesome part about it? Even though it hurts so bad, and I have so many fears and worries in whats to come.... He's still here with me! Never Changing. Here with me when everything else is gone. I am so Thankful!
So, back to cleaning the kitchen. It's a good thing I have these epipanies while the kids are sleeping or they would wonder what mama is doing. Listening to the song and reflecting reminded me of the passage everyone knows... Psalm 23. Do you ever have it you can know something and read it so many times, but it's never really real to you? Well, verse 4-6 is stuck in my mind. At first I'm just thinking it then I feel something inside saying don't be ashamed say it. Say it and mean it! So while wiping down the microwave here I am saying it and meaning it and it feels so good!
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever."
Thank You Jesus for being with me! Thank You for loving me! I'm not having fun right now, but I know that you are with me no matter what, you comfort me. Lord! I am so looking forward to that table, the anointing, the goodness and the mercy! Thank You Lord for the promise of You! Amen and Amen!
Please pray for me and my family as we are being refined. Pray for our hearts to continually be turned to the Lord as he works on us and pray for our desire to always be to live for Him alone. That is my prayer for you as well...
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